It’s removing the scoreboard that love languages create (“I’m doing my part, why isn’t my spouse doing theirs?

”) and soaking in the grace and mercy of God; focusing on what he’s given us that we don’t deserve rather than feeling entitled to and idolizing the marital carrot on a stick that is always just out of reach.

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Many times the unloving spouse isn’t actually unloving, their efforts to give love back just aren’t seen and/or the efforts to show them love never found their mark.

After seeing these sorts of patterns hundreds of times, the experienced marriage counselor can diagnose that these two spouses just aren’t speaking one another’s love languages.

You are a swift she-camel running here and there, a wild donkey accustomed to the desert, sniffing the wind in her craving—in her heat who can restrain her?

Any males that pursue her need not tire themselves; at mating time they will find her.

(Jeremiah , 23-24) God knows what it feels like to be unloved by a spouse.

He knows your pain and he longs to hold you and comfort and others like it is that if you love your spouse, they will love you back.Many a client has walked into a marriage counselor’s office and asked what they can do to get their spouse to show them love.Trying to get my spouse to do what I want might seem innocent, but we’d agree it is the very definition of “self-seeking.” The problem here is that 1 Corinthians 13:5 clearly tells us, Jesus then models sacrificial (the opposite of self-seeking) love for us and tells us to do likewise: Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!This is like plugging one end of an extension cord into its other end. It is knowing you are God’s child (Romans ), an heir to his kingdom (Romans ), beautifully and wonderfully made by him (Psalm 139:1-18), and that He is sovereign and knows what He’s doing (Romans , 31).